you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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