Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
