Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
