im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
what day is it and did you see me today?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
