i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
