I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
