Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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