Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
