I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
