yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
