3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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