Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my phone needs a breathalizer
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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