I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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