Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
