You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
