also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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