Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
