i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
