Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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