Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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