I need help removing her.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
