I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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