I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
