I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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