if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This baby is an asshole
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
