I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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