is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
