She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
