i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up under a house in Key West
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
