Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
