So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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