Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
