Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
