god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
