let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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