i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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