i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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