How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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