dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
