So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
