Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
