You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
