There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
