adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
