I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
