I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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