So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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