he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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