wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
