Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
