Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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