okay pat passed out under dana's car
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
