mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
