Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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