Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
