I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
