You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
