some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
