Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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