Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
