something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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