he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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