I wish I could punch you in the face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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