How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
