My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
