after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
