Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize